1. Right now I’m restless, troubled, uneasy and sad. It’s been 232 days since I’ve seen my hubby. It’s the longest we’ve ever been apart, due to the way we set up R&R for this deployment. Why does it feel so long? Um, because it is! And I still have six weeks to go before he comes home. My love tank is empty. Bone dry. And then I think about my friend Danielle who hasn’t seen her husband in 29 months … and won’t ever see him again …. because he was killed in action in 2010. And I am humbled. But I still miss my husband. I really miss him. Our communication hasn’t been the best this week and that’s adding to my stress and overall feeling of sadness. I’m lonely, I’m tired and I am SO done.
2. I’m pretty excited for Michael right now. After Christmas he joined the jazz band and he started piano lessons. I bought him a keyboard for Christmas since the piano is still in storage. He’s really embracing the piano lessons. After only four lessons he was able to perform (without music) for his grandparents. I was impressed! I’m grateful that he has an after school activity at least two days a week, especially since he’s not participating in any sports right now. I honestly never expected, in my wildest dreams, that he would take such an interest in music. I still don’t think he will go on to be a professional musician, but at least he’s found something that he enjoys doing right now.
3. While I’m not being 100% consistent, I am pleased that I am still making progress with my weight loss. It’s not going nearly as fast as I had hoped it would (thanks to the flu in January …. and then there’s that whole “I don’t want to go to the gym today” that rears its ugly head once in a while …. and sometimes I forget to log my food into MyFitnessPal …), and despite my efforts to actually make myself believe that this is a lengthy process and not something that will happen quickly, I am still moving forward. I really did think I’d be further along at this point, but the good thing (that several people continue to point out) is that I’m still moving forward. I finally read one of those inspirational quotes that really made an impact on me: “The only bad workout is the one you don’t do.” It was an Ah-Ha moment for sure. I’ve also reached a point where I’m sort of “guilting” myself into going to the gym everyday. Finally, the kind of guilt that’s actually working to my advantage. Nine pounds down, five more until I reach my first goal. (Seven more pounds until the second goal). Of course it also helps when people notice. No one locally has noticed yet, but last weekend both my SIL and my friend told me that I was looking trim and my face looked thinner. It was all the motivation I needed to make it to the gym five (out of seven) days this week!
4. Feeling particularly overwhelmed with the house right now. There is just too. much. stuff. I need to clean out the entire house, room by room. But I’m so overwhelmed at just the thought of starting, I’m feeling crippled. Every room, every closet needs to be cleaned out. I did take the first step … I bought a bunch of boxes (that still need to be assembled) so I can set them up in the garage, label them by room and as I start cleaning out, I can transfer the stuff to the right box in preparation for the yard sale. Except I don’t know when the spring hard sale is yet. And I’m hoping it’s not the same day in April that I have ballet tickets at The Kennedy Center. I would really love to make some money at the yard sale, but if it’s the wrong weekend then I’ll just donate everything to the thrift shop. If I could just get started on this project! But I keep finding other stuff to fill up my days and I’m convinced I need a big chunk of time to get started.
5. I was diagnosed with Adhesive Capsulitis (frozen shoulder) last week and I start regular physical therapy next week. Somehow I also scheduled my first physical therapy appointment on the same day as my eye doctor appointment. And of course I can’t remember what time the second appointment is scheduled. I’m not sure what I should do. I really need to get my eyes checked. I can’t see to get a splinter out of my finger and my eyes are taking longer to focus after I look away from something up close. It’s definitely time for bi-focals. CRAP. But I also really need to get started on physical therapy. For the most part, the pain doesn’t bother me unless I move the shoulder outside my range of motion. Sometimes there will be a sharp, lingering pain if I reach for something. I can’t believe the massive loss of my range of motion. I can’t hook my bra properly. I’m having trouble tucking in my shirt, washing my hair in the shower and sometimes drying my hair becomes difficult as well. Worst of all, I can no longer sleep on my left side. This is going to be very bad if I’m still in pain when Chris comes home for R&R. I always sleep on my left side when we are in bed together. But I can’t right now. It really hurts. And I have all kinds of trouble sleeping on my right side if we are in bed together. I need this fixed in six weeks! AAAAHHH!
6. I’m trying to get excited about going to Hawaii for R&R. But I’m still not there yet. I’m worried about how I’ll look in a bathing suit. For inspiration (to continue working out) I’ve learned how to insert the word “Hawaii” into the song lyrics on my iPod while I’m on the treadmill. I don’t want to get a sunburn. I’m not looking forward to an 9-10 hour plane ride. I probably should be excited, but I’m just not yet. Sigh.
7. I desperately want to start scrapbooking agin. Desperately. But again, I seem to be able to come up with all kinds of ways to fill up my days and all kinds of excuses to not start. I’m completely overwhelmed with not only the numbers of supplies I own, but also the volume of photos. We are talking 10 years’ worth now. Ugh. I even have a small project in mind that I can start with, but that would still involve going upstairs, cleaning up my office, organizing my desk, etc. Why does everything seem to feel like a chore. Even the fun stuff? I even have all the stuff for Project Life … I could do 2010, 2011 or 2012 because all the stuff for each of those years is in one place (except for printing all the photos). AND I don’t even have to do it week by week. I could just do a whole year at once. Sigh.
Yup. I pretty much need this deployment to be over. Or at the very least, I need a really big break. And some sunshine. And to weigh less. And to look great in a bathing suit. And for the house to not be so cluttered. And for my shoulder not to hurt. And a better pair of glasses. And to be motivated to scrapbook. Yeah. I don’t need much. Ha.